He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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