I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
