I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
