i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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