I feel great
I just peed on a car
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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