i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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