yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
