Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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