i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
