Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is Oprah even human
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
