You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
