id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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