Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
