You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
