I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
