Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
