Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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