if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize