i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize