dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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