You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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