i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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