Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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