Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
