I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize