Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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