I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
