I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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