I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
