Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
