he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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