i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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