I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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