Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
