I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I smell stomach acid.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You left your phone here
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