I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
