so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
