We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
