It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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