just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
