She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
