He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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