I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
