How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Still dying that you shit outside
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
