I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
