Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
