We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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