I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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