Jerry, you need to find god
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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