I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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