It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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