omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
