I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
