In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
