I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
