I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
