He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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