Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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