Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it because I queefed?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i came on her dog
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
