i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
