Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
