You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
