Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
