after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
