C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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