the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
