Your dad touched me again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
