Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
