Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You are a genius and a whore.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
