Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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