So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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