ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
