I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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