Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize