Barsexuality is the new black.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bring me that man meat
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
