with your own penis?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
