Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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