in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
