At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
