its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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