guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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